The Distance

The distance between here and there became too great to comprehend

Constantly navigating in torturous fear

Rigid paths of twists and left turns

Once thought to be negotiable

In a naive earlier moment

Eventually declared impassable

Despite bargained terms of acceptance

Made in the truce between remaining emotions

Devout persistence yielded even lesser results

Yet submission to reality wasn't an option

Hopes teetered in the shaky stability

No ending seen ahead 

Found in the pages of a notebook. From sometime between 2020 and 2022. Even earlier possibly. Detailing a struggle.

Herons

These herons appear at their appointed destinations

Preemptively materializing from distant heavens

Massive, decadent wingspans, dominating the horizon

Through the blended pinks and oranges of a thousand-year sunrise

Suspending flight missions to perch on rural wires

Did they wait all night in aroused suspense for this dramatic moment,

This choreographed display for my awed approval 

A balancing act for appreciative eyes

This flawed world has failed to disrupt their rhythms and truths

What are their secrets

October/November 2022

As I recall, I was taking early morning photos of Mt. Hood when suddenly the sky was taken over by approximately a dozen herons in flight, making their way to a nearby feeding ground where I would usually spot them. Several paused to perch on wires and take in what was below.   

This Fragile Path

Your mending flame, never receding

Illuminates this fragile path

From which I fail to navigate away

Where warmth exists and envelops

A lost, searching soul

I retreat to the silent edges

And listen for your distant, whispered tones

October, 2022

Occasionally, if one is fortunate, someone will pass through your life that is so far above and in front of, everyone else and if that time must come to a conclusion, it doesn't ease the departure or lessen the impact that they had.

That Dream Again

Awake after that dream about you

Navigating the immediate emotions in the gloaming

Hurt at your absence

Realizing you're not really here  

Uncertain of my tenuous footing

Your brief presence countering the reality

That you were so close

We knew each other's touch

Encountered instant revival

Now, the longing persists, refusing to dissipate

You didn't have to go .....

September 2022

This dream was felt deeper than any others. Almost like she was within reach. When I awoke, the emotions stayed for hours. Not the usual rapid fadeout of dreams.

Venus (A Fictional Moment)

It wasn't what we planned in those first days

Before the fall

Before everything became upside down

When we accepted ourselves

When it was new and bold and beyond the usual

When you believed

And I believed (I still do)

When I could feel your touch across a continent

When my heart trembled with pure and infinite joy

When I could hear your voice resonate in the shadows

When I awoke each day, soul shaken

In those needed seconds

When I was filled with unregulated warmth

And the world lost its unlimited weight

For those entirely too few and too brief moments

And you'll never know what would have been

How my core burned with fierce advocacy

And a deepening vision by your side

Without hesitation

With immunity to doubts

You became part of all things

I felt your presence in sacred places

Barriers ceased to feel insurmountable

Submission to solitude burned and faded

And I can't prove that I've ever cared for anyone as much as you

But it's true

These days I recite my pledge to you through the haze of memories

My truth

February-July, 2022

Sometimes things kept to oneself, need to be spoken or written .... so that there's a record that it happened, and that you cared.

Belief

It was never clear                                                                                                                                      Where the sudden anger rose from                                                                                                              The muted and hesitant responses                                                                                                          Submitted and fueled by honest confusion                                                                                                  You should have believed                                                                                                                            You should have known                                                                                                                                My sincerity was real                                                                                                                                    My love set                                                                                                                                                  You chose to look away                                                                                                                                You chose fear                                                                                                                                               I'm not much but I'm genuine                                                                                                                       I've never been much but I care                                                                                                                      A wounded soul remains in the wake of it all                                                                                                 A shaken shadow wanders these darkened steps                                                                                      What was the point?

From a dozen or more years ago? Questions never answered. Fears ran amok. Emotions still linger and never totally fade. One doesn't easily make friends with the ghosts. 

2022

Traces Of You

I see traces of you in the existing margins and shadows of every moment that's passed or yet to materialize.

In all these hidden places in my world where you have taken eternal residence.

Amid encounters with a famished soul

In these spheres above the usual routines

And reorganized visuals of hope

Elevated Silence

In the elevated silence

You inhabit frozen thoughts

Ancient dreams that existed before we were born

Awaiting discovery ..... or revival

You are the fire celebrated in rigid secrecy

Bestowing rarified, simmering beauty

Words for someone known for just a short time.

October, 2021

Was Anything Real

Discord among prevalent voices

I never knew your path anyway

A story with incomplete thoughts

From a blurred point of entry

The few facts filtered from uncertainty

Layered with abnormal fault lines

Leading to unknown destinations

Was anything as was stated?

Was anything real?

Questions and doubts emerged

Time delivered added mystery

While you chose your point of departure

Why leave so many questions in the wake?

I had heard that a classmate from university days had taken her life. Remembering a random afternoon sitting on the grass of the accepted student gathering place and talking music and home towns and our families ..... and whatever else came to mind for those two or so hours spent together.

Light Among Darkness

It was your warmth that was obvious

And your gentle nature

A light among so much darkness

Casting beauty and calm among surrounding dissonance