The hushed distance placed between us was irrelevant, mystic visions rose and faded, I'd have given anything for a frozen moment with you, to feel your silent touch, to know your hidden warmth, to whisper what was seemingly forbidden by improbable circumstances, to listen, believe and cry, to move walls and mountains to make your utmost unspoken dreams come true, I was there ..... But you never knew. Thought I'd attempt to tell you in my own various bumbling and stupid ways, Hoping you could comprehend my infinite clumsiness with emotions, and know the sunken depth of my feelings, like these truths were obvious to all, armed with humility, I was always there ..... But you never knew.
December, 2015
Sunday, December 13, 2015
Sunday, December 6, 2015
1973 Again
An old cassette tape
Technology of the times
My mother's voice
Sounding different than what I recall ..... midwestern twang that comes and goes
A recorded letter to her mother, who I barely knew
Recorded in short stages, days and weeks apart
Apologizing for the delay in responding
Calls her "darlin' "
Sounding young again (after those final frail years)
So long since I knew those days
Things mentioned that I struggle to recall
Children and teens, painting walls, yardwork, school, 4th of July
Life transitions for all
Cindy and Shangri-La .... her own special needs
Ending of my high school years approaching .... college?
Reference to her own, eight person high school graduating class
Father's changing work plans
Sister's job at a dollar twenty-five an hour .... saving money
Cameo voices of my brothers .... swimming, fishing, being boys
Illuminating a visual of a mostly typical 70's lifestyle
Maybe a future visit to South Dakota
If life slows down, if life permits
If she can manufacture the time
No hints to what I knew was going on at home
Behind the scenes, hidden from sight and the eyes of others
The degree, even hidden from siblings
But then why would she want her mom to worry
November/December 2015
Had this cassette but I wasn't sure where. My sister gave it to me a few years ago to make copies then my tape deck broke down. I had never listened to it in its entirety until a few weeks ago. As much as I enjoyed hearing my moms voice from when she was healthy, I felt a few twinges of unexplainable and unwelcome chills in the words. Something more than her not being with us these days.
Technology of the times
My mother's voice
Sounding different than what I recall ..... midwestern twang that comes and goes
A recorded letter to her mother, who I barely knew
Recorded in short stages, days and weeks apart
Apologizing for the delay in responding
Calls her "darlin' "
Sounding young again (after those final frail years)
So long since I knew those days
Things mentioned that I struggle to recall
Children and teens, painting walls, yardwork, school, 4th of July
Life transitions for all
Cindy and Shangri-La .... her own special needs
Ending of my high school years approaching .... college?
Reference to her own, eight person high school graduating class
Father's changing work plans
Sister's job at a dollar twenty-five an hour .... saving money
Cameo voices of my brothers .... swimming, fishing, being boys
Illuminating a visual of a mostly typical 70's lifestyle
Maybe a future visit to South Dakota
If life slows down, if life permits
If she can manufacture the time
No hints to what I knew was going on at home
Behind the scenes, hidden from sight and the eyes of others
The degree, even hidden from siblings
But then why would she want her mom to worry
November/December 2015
Had this cassette but I wasn't sure where. My sister gave it to me a few years ago to make copies then my tape deck broke down. I had never listened to it in its entirety until a few weeks ago. As much as I enjoyed hearing my moms voice from when she was healthy, I felt a few twinges of unexplainable and unwelcome chills in the words. Something more than her not being with us these days.
Saturday, December 5, 2015
Old Man
Old man
Stooped and damaged
Your reluctant handshake lacks strength
Not as aged as you appear
Box of memories all that remains
Blinded by the loss of youth
Shivers and trembles
Out of place in today
Cynical towards society
Refusing to change and adapt
Resides in his dreams
Rooted in half a century ago
A journey shaken in lost faith
Wasn't always this way
But stamina worn down
By one soul numbing dagger at a time
Old friends faded from relavancy
Old loyalties lost meaning
In the onslaught of disrupted hopes
And repeated denials of love
Resigned to the final call
An empty distance in your gaze
The last of your lineage
No preperation for the sole survivor
It was you dancing on that forgotten corner
You seek shelter in each alley and shadow
Away from the chaos
Until voices conjure forth echoes
You appear for a moment, then fade ......
November/December 2015
Stooped and damaged
Your reluctant handshake lacks strength
Not as aged as you appear
Box of memories all that remains
Blinded by the loss of youth
Shivers and trembles
Out of place in today
Cynical towards society
Refusing to change and adapt
Resides in his dreams
Rooted in half a century ago
A journey shaken in lost faith
Wasn't always this way
But stamina worn down
By one soul numbing dagger at a time
Old friends faded from relavancy
Old loyalties lost meaning
In the onslaught of disrupted hopes
And repeated denials of love
Resigned to the final call
An empty distance in your gaze
The last of your lineage
No preperation for the sole survivor
It was you dancing on that forgotten corner
You seek shelter in each alley and shadow
Away from the chaos
Until voices conjure forth echoes
You appear for a moment, then fade ......
November/December 2015
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