Your Flame

Your name shines brightest in the eastern night sky
Brightening the lights that blaze in your flame
Somewhere in time, a convergence of minds
Mutes alarms and erases old fears
Celebrates the arrival with deafening eyes
Your words fill the waves with thunder and fire
They flash across days securing desires
Marginal gestures send beacons of hope
Decreasing the distance between unfamilar ways
I imagine your touch turns indifference to joy
I picture your gaze melts walls long deployed
I sense you're a dreamer lost in significant moments
This fading mirage shows that beauty is near
No attempt to disguise its evidence is clear
Your subtle echo navigates through curious airs
Healing these resolute stares


Maybe a reaction to a dream? Or a reaction to someone unknown in real life?

Looking Blindly Into Beauty

Awake for the moment
Looking blindly into beauty
A level not witnessed in generations
Seen from afar with no prior notification
Only noticed previously in dreams
A fragile truce evolves between mind and soul
And expeditious separation between rumor and truth
The elegance of undetermined origin
Mixing imponderable grace and humility
I was never one for dwelling solely in reality
But I never dared imagine that you actually existed

December 2014

Failed By Words

The changing has arrived and the invading shades proclaim their independence from the norm
Invisible echos sound their presence in the ever evolving sky
A single musical blast sends notice that everything has changed and will not return again
I am failed by words to explain all this
Failed by deeds to verify existing bliss
Was it a loss of part of my life?
Or a temporary blindness?
A brief insanity or a vision that failed to materialize?
Once present, now lost
And at what exorbitant cost?
You once argued that this was your way
And issued demands that this could not change
Declining values often place interest at risk
Frayed edges remain in the wake
This needed moment of silence shattered by fate

1990's

Some of these attempts at poetry are from 15-20 years ago and I didn't think to make notes as to what life situation was in place that caused them to come out. I can guess but would quite possibly be in error. Maybe fact or fiction but it had a story behind it at one time. 

Remembering Apprehension

Remembering apprehension
How did we survive?
What was the point?
A ritual played out over and over
Yet we returned and tried again ..... and again
Until it was eventually decided, that was enough
Were we masochists?
Lovers of pain?
Was growth and wisdom in short supply?
It took decades to grow weary of futility
Leaving in its wake, multiple fractured souls
Temporarily mended during abbreviated periods of neutrality
Each time swearing never again
Yet the lure was too strong
Simmering passions ruled suspended lives
Until now
A subconscious decision
No further forcing conclusions
The alternative becoming reality
A life saving acceptance of terms

December 2014

Two Thirds Gone

Two thirds gone
Elevated expectations became empty years maybe better forgotten
And half-hearted hope in wishing for one more day
One more chance to get it right
To feel the fires of young again
If just for an hour …. or a brief moment
Or God willing, maybe what remains of a lifetime
To know the thrill without the fear
To revel in glory …. or is it fascination?
To be without cares
And shout joyfully in silence into the night
Reclaiming elusive fragments of short stories
Or giving life to random occurring dreams
The last encounter, I remember it vaguely
But still feel the warmth
Distant but present
And regrets in the ending
I used to face your horizon and send notes in the winds
Unscreened messages between the north and the south
Attached to wandering and reluctant stars
Unsure of destination and wary of translation
Over a waning and chilly decade ago
Could it be time for resounding renewal
Time to reopen forgotten possibilities
And recall the molten rarified air
Before being assigned to infinite oblivion
Before its life possibility grows any shorter

November 2014

Looking back at a life, wondering if it's too late? Wanting to feel again but afraid to feel again. Are the risks too great?

Maybe Tomorrow

Maybe tomorrow all will be clear
Maybe I'll be able to explain how I feel
Those words that have remained lost and hidden
Maybe will be there to share
Maybe tomorrow I will hear your cries differently
And be capable to tend to your fears presently
And replace this present lack of insight
With the light that you seek
Maybe tomorrow all this will be new
Consideration will replace old notions
And distance will bring revived vision
Maybe tomorrow


A friend struggling with a problem and feeling inadequate and unable to help.

Varying Perceptions

I stand before your final resting place but can't hear your voice any longer, can't see your face
I struggle with others seemingly remembering you differently than I
Things said and done that can't be forgotten yet others conviently forget
Though how can one rememeber what they chose not to witness?
Closing their eyes in the moment
(Or was it all just a nightmare?)
Absence, avoidance and denial were routinely employed
I never understood their race to denial
You're seen as a saint yet I saw the beast
Momentarily changing moods and faces but never truly changing
The next moments of rage were always a ticking time bomb away
We never knew when, just that it was near
Awaiting an often imagined spark setting events in motion
Mostly irrational though always frightening
Did you ever realize the effect on connected lives?
I just hope for explanation .... A reason for the actions and anger
To make friends with the images and memories that have remained all these years

October/November 2014

This Dream

I awake in a sweat and a daze
Slowly realizing you were just a dream
Beyond your touch
Despite your gaze
Your risen image develops then slowly fades
Back into the shadows and mist
This convergence with time plots certain demise
It cautions to proceed with patience and pride
And hasten those memories
What seemed true a moment ago
Burned off in the instant it was created
Leaving rumours of ashes in its wake
Desperate for life and whimsical growth
Maybe a final prelude to fullfill a long forgotten oath
In the immediate haze
There's a struggle to keep contact with your face before me
Assuming that you're here for a reason
There's comfort in knowing your essence remains
No aging in your absence
No matter these perilous times


There's occasional dreams in my minds dizzying mess of the seemingly perfect women. It may be an actual face from my past or a stranger created in those dream moments. The person appears to be so close and beautiful. Possessing grace and humility. And then in an frustrating instant, I awake and they are gone. Yet the feelings and emotions experienced in the dream remain for awhile in my waking conciousness, slowly fading away. I try to hold on. Hope to find that person even if it's only in a quick return to the dream world. But you can't just conjure up dreams on demand and keep them alive until a end point is reached. Eventually I have to resign to the fact that they likely are not coming back.

Going Abstract Again

Were you the silent cry that I heard in my sleep?
Or a whispered promise?
Questioning my existence?
Confirming my purpose?
Preying on my fading, incomplete memories?
Passing judgement on things forgotten?
Taking account of misplaced remnants of shattered dreams?
Was the significance in feeling abandoned again?
Feeling alone again?
While here I am .....
Wandering through rapid fire days at an accelerated pace
At modified cyclical routes
Abstaining from committment
Defering to the moment
Delaying possibilities and potential to the power of two

And suddenly it has all passed
These fading hopes are relevant again
Conflicting emotions agree to co-exist

Bears

Silent assasins within
Casting their doubts, denouncing each win
They couldn't douse the fire
Nor every simple inspired desire
And considering that most
Would have long bowed to those ghosts
Through all, lifes passion remained
Slowed only by those haunting occasional remains
Imbedding new paths to the soul


I had a aquaintance who upon reading this assumed it was about her ..... and it may have began that way but, it ended not really being about anyone specifically . She became angry at the time though I'm not sure why. She had suddenly changed from gentle, kind and considerate to angry and suspicious and effectively ended the friendship. There was no intent to insult. It was just a quick reaction to events. It started out in one direction but after the second line, it took another path. 

It's from somewhere between 1995 and 1998. 

Thunderous Cries

Risking all at the edge of forever
Dependent on a moment of truth
Who rises? Who falls?
Your dreams are the stars
Can I whisper your name without retreating in shame?
An old prophecy stamped its fate on all who would listen
Is it concern or insanity?
It's never apparent
But somewhere a fire raged into a weakening flicker
Retarded only after the deluge from our eyes
And the thunder in your cries
Marginal victories were the rule of those days
But we could never be sure
Most wins tasted like defeat
Reducing each gain to moments of doubt
But we survived through sacrificing most of our pride
I propose for a moment a respite into solitude
Delay those grand plans
Your life supercedes flirtatious demands
Contact all callers and cement the joy
A new life is about to deploy



It's been so long and left forgotten that I don't recall anymore what this was about or the reason for a few of the lines. It might have had something to do with an old friend who I once had a brief history with, about to deliver a child. It doesn't seem to make much sense to me now but there was a time when it was clear. Or at least less murky.

Seasonal Announcement

Weakened Autumn voices announce their demise
A futile attempt to delay Winter's arrival
For a month or a week
Even an hour would suffice
The gradual shift, lost in the breeze
Rotation of time on the edge
A roid raged sky delivers the news with evil delight
Consumed with denial and deliverance
Assuming its place in the cyclical process
Bearer of grays ..... and the Blues
We hope it's a fraud but fear it's a trend
A polar opposite from yesterday
Lives don't change that sudden, that swift
A minor big bang in our bio-clock existence
Vague in intent, precise in execution


November, 2014